In Memoriam

A few days ago, a former professor of mine died in a car accident.

Chances are, I never would have had the opportunity to speak with her again anyway, had she survived, as she had accepted a position at Louisiana State University in 2008, and I live in Bradenton, Florida. I didn't expect her death to hit me as hard as it has.

For one thing, I see and talk to dead people. I know there is an afterlife, and that it's a good one. I know that we reincarnate or not, as we choose, from my experiences and the experiences of those I've spoken to. I feel death is something to celebrate, not something to fear, when our time comes.

It's not the fact that she's dead that has put me in this depressive funk. Rather, I think it's sympathy for her surviving loved ones, her current and former students and colleagues, who now have a gaping void in the space in their hearts formerly occupied by this wonderful woman's friendship and spirit. Perhaps it's also compassion for the terror and pain she must have felt in her last moments, and the guilt I imagine whomever called the coroner instead of the paramedics probably felt when that person found out she wasn't quite dead yet.

I firmly believe that everyone has a right to their feelings, whether or not society deems them appropriate. Our emotions are guides for us, just like our senses of pain and pleasure. When we hurt, it's a communication to us that something is wrong, something that, presumably, we can fix. When we feel good, it's a signal that things are going good, keep it up!

So while I'm surprised at how much the loss of this person I hadn't spoken with in years, and with whom I may never again have spoken, has affected me, rather than hide my feelings from others or suppress them, I'm choosing to express them and let myself go through the stages of grief, so that I can start celebrating the memories and the next stage in her journey.

Thank you, Jeanne, for being such a vibrant, passionate, funny, wonderful woman, and for being such an effective teacher. My writing would suck much more had I never known you. <3

Jeanne's Death - Washington Post

Here is a video interview with Jeanne, which gives some great advice to writers, and shows the personality I'm talking about: Jeanne's Interview